The Superpowers of an Old Fart
February 8, 2012
Everyone seem to talk about the negative side of growing old, so I decided to make a list of pros, just to be able to look on the bright side of it when it actually happens.
- If I don’t like something I hear I can activate my selective hearing, and black out the sounds or the information I don’t want to listen to.
- When someone argues with me and says that I’m wrong, I can use my magic word: “NO.”
- I’ll have total control of the TV-Remote. While that is my earned right as an old fart, I’m also afraid that the TV will break if someone else handles it.
- I can openly disrespect people younger then me. If they talk back I can always dismiss them as ill-behaved, ridicule them and use my cane.
- If someone gets hurt by my harsh social behavior I can always play the “truth card”. “I am just telling the truth. If you are hurt by that then you can “Get of my lawn!”.
- When somebody talks about something too contemporary I can refer to stuff that happened pre-1990. Because stuff that happened back then is history, and kids, history is important.
- I will not have to use the turn signals on my car anymore.
- Suddenly a cap is a fashion accessory that works in all situations.
- I will never have to use an alarm clock to wake me up in the morning. Some kind of body function will take care of that for me, like needing to pee or maybe that “Gout” I’ve been hearing so much about.
- I can fart anywhere anytime.