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A Movie Warning: Down (2001)

November 30, 2011

janne-the director with the incredible-hulk t-shirtMust… fight… urge… to make… a… Down’s Syndrome joke! But I won’t because I don’t want to get dragged up to Ricky Gervais level by surfing his mong-wave.

The movie Down stars a young Naomi Watts before she learned how to read scripts and an old James from Twin Peaks (I can’t bother to google the actor’s name – he is James from Twin Peaks, okay?).

And it is about a haunted… elevator. Yeah… In Jaws we just hated the mayor who refused to close down the beach so there is no end to the hatred you can build up for the guy who refuses to put up a “Elevator out of order”-sign.

I guess it would ruin business if people had to take the stairs… Or cause panic if they said the elevator will kill you. What is the best way to avoid panic, again? Oh, why not say that all the horrible retarded deaths in the elevator is not accidents – they are just TERRORIST ATTACKS!

The end takes the plot to the most horrible ideas in movie history and just to warn you: I’m gonna spoil the hell out of it: Michael Ironside suddenly just pops up as an evil German scientist who experiments with connecting computers with… DOLPHIN BRAINS! Oh my God! That can only mean one thing! This movie sucks ass.
The script must have been written by somebody going through a stroke and a Kardashian divorce at the same time = not a genius. But no, it’s written and directed by the man who is named after Snooki’s alternate Christmas: Dick Maas. I don’t know who Dick Maas is. I just like saying Dick Maas a lot. Dick Maas and DOLPHIN BRAIN TERRORIST ATTACK!

Beware: They sometime retitle the movie The Shaft here and there to make you think Naomi Watts stars in a new all white Shaft movie.

the animated comedy series and blog lunki and sika

Previous Movie Warnings:

Two of a Kind (1983)
Tourist Trap

Justice League of America (1997)
Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996)

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