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A Movie Warning: Tourist Trap (1979)

November 19, 2011

Janne the Director is in Russia at the moment and he sent me this movie warning.

It makes me happy that he is showing some kind of sign of life but I can’t help getting the feeling he is trying to tell me something…

Tourist Trap (DVD) (1979)

This is the kinda horror that gives horror a bad name. Sexy teenagers (not played by teenagers and not so sexy except Tanya “worst Bond chick ever” Roberts) end up in the middle of nowhere, stumbles upon some hick (who looks like fucking Conan O’Brien) and then gets slaughtered one by one by some dork in a mask… with telekinesis… in a house of wax figures… that all look as impressive as K-Mart mannequins.

The killer who sounds like a sleepy Tom Waits is also a talented ventriloquist who can throw his voice. Well, not his OWN voice. For some reason he only know how to throw female voices. Nothing makes any sense here. Every God damn “why do they go there?” or “why don’t they just do that?” you can think of crossed my mind while watching. All that can be enjoyed if the crappy movie is at least funny or somewhat suspenseful. This wasn’t funny or even close to suspenseful, there are dead mimes that are more entertaining.

Hell, even the cheapest trick in the book of cheap horrors failed: the horror music – it sounded like it belonged in Curb Your Enthusiasm.

And to sum it up I like to quote my grandmother: “ney or he will cut my throat. Make it in Rubles, please.the animated comedy series and blog lunki and sika

Previous Movie Warnings:

Justice League of America (1997)
Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996)

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