A Movie Warning: Justice League of America (1997)
I dared myself to see if I could watch a superhero movie worse than X-Men Origins: Wolverine and yes… Yeees, I could. Justice League of America is beyond fucking horrible. Might be the worst movie ever made (and I’m including Japanese rape movies shot on DV in that statement).
I’m no fan of the comic but I read some of it in the 90’s because the comicbook had completely given up on doing “action” (something that never worked in comics in the first place) and turned the book into a superheroes parody.
And this movie (really a pilot for a tv-show that would make shit eating contests look tasty if it had been aired) is supposed to be based on that era of “JLA” but it’s pretty obvious that the “filmmakers” never read the comic.
For real. I fucking know more about them and I have only read 12 issues! They got the most simple and retarded things wrong, like;
The Green Lantern wearing a yellow tie (it’s kinda like Superman wearing a kryptonite tie), or J’onn J’onzz shooting fire (it’s like Superman having kryptonite vision instead of heat) and how to deal with their secret identities? How about this:
Yes. The movie is crosscut with a fake talking head documentary where they all sit without their masks talking about the life of superheroes. What? The? Fuck? I can’t even think of any kind of script meeting where this idea would pass unless they didn’t get the rights to do “Springtime For Hitler”.
They don’t get a single character right in any way but everything else gone bad kinda overshadows that tiny problem.
The cast is mostly unknown but sadly there are some known faces in this mess. Miguel “Albert” Ferrer as the worst villain in TV-history – “The Weatherman!”, Kimberly Oja delivers the same kind of acting credibilities and character depth she is known for from Son of the Beach, the counting jew Robert “Numb3rs” Gallo and… oh this is just too much: David “fresh out of the closet” Ogden “peeked in M*A*S*H” Stiers as J’onn J’onzz – The Martian Manhunter. Yeah, the character is beyond “pulling the plug”-braindead to begin with but c’mon: In the movie he looks like a green bald David Ogden Stiers in a garter belt.
PRECIOUS MOVIE WARNING: Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996)
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