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We have Beards so we know Movies: Abduction (2011)

November 11, 2011

I just finished watching Abduction (2011) starring Twilight hunk, hero lead Taylor Lautner and Sweden’s own “original-Millennium-trilogy-actor” as bad guy with Slovakian accent, Michael Nyqvist.

I kind of liked it actually. It’s not a great movie by any means but your ordinary action flick who kind of entertains you for 90 minutes and when you’re finished watching it you can drop it faster than Kim Kardashian did her fiancée.

Really? That joke’s already getting old? Sorry.
Back to the movie. As much as I kind of liked it, I discovered that the Internet communites hated it. It currently has a 4.0 rating on IMDb and a 4 percent freshness on Rotten Tromatoes.

I don’t think it’s THAT bad. Sure, the overall acting is bad. The girl getting food on the train and saying: “I’m really hungry” made me throw up a little in my mouth while I ripped my signed Al Pacino picture off my wall, hugged it and whispered; “she’s young, she’ll learn how to deliver a line believably in the sequel”…

Michael Nyqvist, the Swedish contribution to this movie was sadly a disappointment. It looked like the only direction he got from director John Singleton was “look like a bad guy”. He didn’t say much either and when he did, his attempt at doing a Slovakian (or Slovenian?) accent made him sound like he had Johnny the Intern as vocal coach.

Regardless of Michael Nyqvist sounding like a Swede who’s never spoken English, I suspect the reason for all the Internet hate is due to Taylor Lautner. It seems trying to pose and look cool in every frame is not to the Internet’s liking.
Me, I’ve seen worse. Ever seen Taylor Lautner in any installment of the Twilight franchise? In this movie he is so much better than he’s in any of them. I’m not sure if that tells you anything, but even though he’s not at all great, he doesn’t suck either.

And finally, congratulation Abduction. I think this is going to be the best review for you on the Internet, apart from teenage girls who love slightly inbred looking guys with beefed upper bodies.

And even half of them have given it less of a good review due to the lack of upper body Taylor Lautner nakedness.

Sidenote: See the poster below? I have no recollection of Taylor ever scaling skyscrapers in this movie. I might have dosed off for a while though..


More “We have Beards so we know Movies!” Reviews

Midnight in Paris

Green Lantern

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
The Complete Death Wish Collection 1-5
Transformers: Dark of the Moon 3D
Super 8
Red Riding Hood
The Hangover Part II
Fast Five
Thor 3D
Tron: Legacy

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