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A Movie Warning: Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996)

November 11, 2011

janne-anorectic-muppet-megan-fox-band-t-shirtYeah, I made a list of favorite rare movies and it helped some people to find out that they really didn’t need my help. Now I’m gonna give you movie suggestions that you all should avoid. Only watch these if you want to see how low the bar can go.

And why would you do that? I have no idea – I can’t even remember why I saw them! And still I try to watch more crap… For instance: I wanted to write about the worst movies I’ve seen the moment I saw the poster for Bacalhau (1975), the Brazillian version of Jaws.

I just knew I would have to see it. I also knew I would hate it. And I knew I had to write about other movies like it.

So here I am…

The list wont be a numbered list. I’ve seen too many shitty movies to bother placing them in any order. I’ll just drop a movie title when I feel like it, okay?

Okay.

Gonna start real soft and nice for you. Concider this the foreplay. Really bad foreplay.

Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996)

Did you like it in The Princess Bride when Peter Falk read that kid the fairytale about swordfights and princesses? Well then you will just hate it when forever old Ernest Borgnine tells his grandkid the tale of how Merlin set up a magic shop in California and sold people possessed monkey dolls.

The sets looks like they are made by a drunk under gunpoint and I think that drunk under gunpoint must have been Ernest Borgnine himself. Sure, his scenes was probably shot within a day (actually: faster than you can say Ernest Borgnine) and some mobster paid him enough so he can afford to continue being undead. But if there was no guns and pointing with guns involved – there is no God.

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