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AC/DC Drinking in 10 Steps

August 30, 2011

AC/DC is the latest heavy metal band to introduce their own wine.

But before you try it, you should know the different stages of AC/DC drinking that this fine wine (or other alcoholic beverages for that matter) might take you trough.

Here’s AC/DC Drinking in 10 Steps:
1. Are You Ready?
Yes, you are. You have some money in your pocket and this particular night you feel special. You are going to try the new AC/DC wine.
2. For Those About to Rock (We Salute You)
You had two glasses of AC/DC wine and stand at a crossroad. Drink more and you will start to feel the buzz or stay home and watch a movie. Okay, maybe just one more glass of wine…
3. Ride On
Woohaaaa! Wine is so much fun! You head out, the night is young and you are invincible. You order Jack Daniels, the n:o 1 metal drink. It tastes like shit, but the label is black and Lemmy has been drinking one bottle a day for the last 36 years, and who are you to disagree with him.
4. Bad Boy Boogie
On the dance floor. P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face (mum-mum-mum-mah), drunk enough to dance. You creatively mix the robot dance with head banging. After each song you do the Devil’s Horn and scream “Let There Be Rock!” to the D.J. He doesn’t seem to hear you… Time to go to where the real party is at.
5. Stiff Upper Lip
You have a hard time talking, but that doesn’t stop you from singing at a karaoke bar. Afterwards you can admit you might have missed a word or two in the lyrics, but hey, the stage presence was legendary and that’s what counts, right? And what do those white trash hillbillies booing you know about music anyway? Fuck Lady Gaga.
6. Have A Drink On Me
You have reached the level of drunk you feel generous. You have just spent a fortune to buy drinks to your 10 new BFF:s. You do not remember what they look like, or where they have gone. But oh wait, there’s a guy in an AC/DC t-shirt. Hey new friend, drinks on me!
7. Moneytalks
You spent every penny you had and start drinking leftovers from the tables. The guard make groundless accusations that “you had have to much to drink” and “it is time to go home”. You rightfully go berserk and attack the guard with a guillotine choke you saw in the UFC fight last night. The guard cleverly escapes your attempt and throws you out.
8. Night Prowler
And also, night crawler. While lying in the gutter you meet a new friend, or should I say soulmate. You follow him to another party.
9. Back In Black
You have blacked out on a carpet that smells like a rotting corpse in an apartment in a block you never dared to visit before. Your new friend Smokey the Crackhead is under the table talking to himself, something about the voices in his head; and knives. Sweet dreams.
10. Highway To Hell
It’s morning on a day that will be sadistically long. While you try to find your way to work you get the feeling you might have broken some laws last night. Public urination, public nudity and disorderly behavior. Also, your arm hurts since you got a fresh tattoo of Angus Young, which to be honest looks more like your grandma in a wig playing a banjo. But man, did you have fun!!
Congratulations, you have now achieved AC/DC drinking in 10 Steps!!

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