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Hollywood Evolution: Faking It

May 23, 2011

You might think the biggest change in movie making over the decades is 3D.

No, it isn’t. I figured it out.

James Cameron was wrong, it’s all about faking it.

1890-1940 Fake emotions

Yes, we’re talking Edward Munch’s The Scream reactions to whatever the hell was going on. Agony, fear, love. Throw in a “I’m fainting” hand on the forehead pose too and you are pretty much covered as an actor.

1940-1970 Fake kissing

Kissing on the big screen during this time was stiff and awkward. A quick reach-around, grabbing each others backs, a quick jerky move, then opening the mouths before the slow lean-in. Then it seemed they were trying to hoover something out of each other.

And personally, this realization sucks. Since I’ve learned everything I know about love from Roger Moore’s James Bond I now realize why girls keep telling me I’m doing it wrong.

1980-1999 Fake phone numbers

Sure, you see them occasionally these days too, but the 555 number was pretty much in every movie ever made during this period. Why did they need it in the first place? Did people actually try calling E.T.?

Ford Fairlane: Hey, look. Write down my number: 555-6321 Got it?
Twin Club Girl: Yeah. Wait a minute. 555 is not a real number. They only use that in the movies.
Ford Fairlane: No shit, honey. What do you think this is? Real life?

Scene from “Ford Fairlane” (1990)

2000-present Fake drinking coffee

Ever noticed how people in movies (and TV) so easily sips from their take-away coffee mugs? I would love, just for once, to see someone reacting to the drink actually being hot. Because it is. I rtied once to look as cool as them (the actors) and burned my mouth so bad I actually cried a little. Who I sued? Noone, I’m Swedish. And sane.

Finally, I felt so bad about mocking that hard-working actress at the top of this post, I decided to make a new image more appropriate for her.

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