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Janne the Director’s Favorite Rare Movies Top 100 List #19: Death Race 2000 (1975)

April 30, 2011

janne-the director with the incredible-hulk t-shirt19. Death Race 2000 [DVD] (1975)

NO! NO NO NO NO! Bad bad BAD Paul W.S. Anderson for making such a BAD remake of this movie! How the hell could I EVER make ANYBODY curious about the original movie after his rape of this cinematic jewel?

He probably just saw the original poster and said “Oh cool. Cars smash stuff.”.

How my remake would be:

  1. It would be called Death Race 2004 and it would take place during George W. Bush’s run for re-election and I would cast the whole staff from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
  2. With Jon Stewart in David Carradine’s classic Frankenstein role.
  3. Stephen Colbert as George W. Bush. He could just put a cut out photo of Bush with holes for the eyes, wear it like a Halloween mask and still be more believable than Josh Brolin in that Oliver Stone movie.
  4. Samantha Bee would be Frankenstein’s partner, desperately trying to seduce him, but he’d rather play with himself and a belt in the closet (Hey, can’t have Jon Stewart in a black bondage suit playing a David Carradine role without a bunch of auto erotic asphyxiation-gags, can we?).
  5. Her husband Jason Jones would be the sports commentator. Or maybe Lewis Black?
  6. If Sylvester Stallone doesn’t wanna come back and play Machine Gun Joe Viterbo I think Rob Riggle was born to play that part.
  7. Aasif Mandvi could broaden his acting abilities after The Last Airbender and maybe play a muslim suicide driver?
  8. A car with the Corddry brothers!
  9. Oh, Olivia Munn as that fan who sacrifices herself for her biggest hero Frankenstein and stands on the road so he can score some roadkill points.

Oh, I forgot to mention the plot. The all American national sports is the Death Race where drivers drive across America while trying to kill as many as they can with their car.

As the cars roar into Pennsylvania, the cradle of liberty, it seems apparent that our citizens are staying off the streets, which may make scoring particularly difficult, even with this year’s rule changes. To recap those revisions: women are still worth 10 points more than men in all age brackets, but teenagers now rack up 40 points, and toddlers under 12 now rate a big 70 points. The big score: anyone, any sex, over 75 years old has been upped to 100 points.

(In my remake they will run over John McCaine.) Not only do they try to kill each other – there are terrorists along the way trying to put an end to the American national sport! In the end, whoever scores the most points AND survive… get to meet the president!

This makes Mary Woronov’s 3rd appearance in this list, a tie with Lee Marvin, and that makes them the most popular actors in this list! We have our Rare Prom King and Queen! What a lovely couple…

PREVIOUS ON THE LIST: 20. Electra Glide In Blue [DVD] (1973)

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