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10 Steps to Becoming a Hollywood Celebrity

March 18, 2011
by

sika from the Swedish comedy blog Lunki and Sika with an Aaron Sorkin t-shirt standing in front of the American Flagmikael-persbrandt-beorn-the-hobbit-in-bilbo 2011 2012Mikael Persbrandt, the Swedish actor soon to become world famous from the upcoming Bilbo movies, was caught on January 16 doing cocaine at a club in Stockholm. The actor reportedly stated “It was barely a line on a key” when questioned by the police. Now he has been slapped with a minor drug offense and a $2000 fine.

That is such great news! The cocaine proves he has started his 10-step program to becoming a Hollywood Celebrity!

Here is the complete list:

Step 1: Do something to create a buzz about yourself. Take part in a movie, a part in a soap or a reality show etc. Doesn’t really matter, just knock it out of the park.
Step 2: Get an agent.
Step 3: Move to Santa Monica, CA.
Step 4: Star in a movie. Or a commercial.
Step 5: Leave whoever you are with and only date other Hollywood Celebrities.
Step 6: Do cocaine.
Step 7: Start whatever “celeb” diet is popular. Keep at it until the next one comes along. Together with Step 6 whatever diet it is, it will do the trick.
Step 8: Totally refuse nudity and then sit by the phone and wait for the right amount of money. Then strip down.
Step 9: Go into rehab and cry your eyes out on a talk show.
Step 10: Move to Beverly Hills.

Below are three bonus steps. But please beware, they are only aimed for the ones who want to take it to the next level and become Hardcore Hollywood Celebrities.

carrot top and michael jackson plastic surgery kingsStep 11. Go under the knife. I’m talking Nip, Tuck, Suck and whatever else they are offering. Overuse of plastic surgery is a must. Reach for somewhere between Michael Jackson and Carrot Top. I know there’s a thin line. But you can do it!
Step 12. Start believing in Scientology.
Step 13. Stand with a machete on roof tops next to porn stars and scream “Winning!”.

Good Luck!!

More lists from Lunki and Sika:

Top 10 Steps to Becoming a Hollywood Celebrity
Top 10 Most Annoying TV Characters (2011 Edition)
My Top 5 Worst Movies of 2010
My Top 10 Favorite Movies of 2010
My Top 10 Favorite TV Shows Older Than Me
My Top 10 Favorite Amnesia Movies
My Top 10 Favorite Kids Movies to make grown Men Cry
My Top 10 Favorite Lonely Movies
My Top 5 Unforgettable Movies

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. April 4, 2011 10:59

    Where’s the step about banging $2500 hookers from Heidi Fleiss’ services?

    • Sika permalink*
      June 5, 2011 10:59

      Damn it, I knew I missed a step. Let’s call that one step 12.5.

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