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Top Six Reasons For a Ruined Oscar Night

February 28, 2011

sika banksy t-shirtI was so looking forward to the 83rd Academy Awards, but last night’s Oscar viewing got ruined for five reasons.

1. The Swedish “comedy” duo Filip and Fredrik was hired as commentators and made redundant remarks during the entire event. Making as much sense as Kirk Douglas. Yes, they even kept blabbing during the in memoriam. Which one of them pointed out didn’t have a great year.

2. I actually thought I was going to have more correct answers than I did. I blame The King’s Speech. Well I actually blame James Franco. Smoking illegal plants while handling Oscar envelopes has never been a good combination.

3. Johnny the Intern constantly pointing out he won the office Oscar pool. No Johnny. You bet that Toy Story 3 would win. In all categories. It won two.

4. No nudity. damn you Melissa Leo, you can produce an f-bomb but there’s not a gratuitous nip slip in sight.

5. No Banksy.

6. Since it was going to be “the youthful year” in the Academy Award history I feel let down. The King’s Speech beat The Social Network. Melissa Leo beat Hailee Steinfeld. Billy Crystal outpresented James Franco and Anne Hathaway. Pretty much everyone over sixty rocked on stage. Even Randy Newman got an award.

Well, I think that last reason has made the Academy come to the same conclusion as me. Next year’s presenter: Eli Wallach.

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