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Want to know who will win the Oscars? Read this! [2011 Edition]

February 25, 2011

Janne the Director with a Space Mahoney t-shirt from the movie No Law 4000All the nominated movies haven’t reached Sweden yet and some will never get here because the distributors here are inbred greedy fuckers. The thing is that they wait with some nominated titles to premier AFTER the Oscars so they can slap a “OSCAR WINNER”-tag on the poster.

But if the movie don’t win it wont even show up at the cinemas because it was “only” nominated for an Oscar and they have to make room for Justin Bieber-films. Besides: they usually wait so long the audience already downloaded the movies. And those inbred greedy fuckers choose to interpret that as; “the audience doesn’t want to see good films so we will just hand them shit. Fresh shit but trust us: it’s shit.” Here’s my list:

Actor in a Leading Role

colin-firth-the-king-speach-2011-winnerJavier Bardem in “Biutiful”
Jeff Bridges in “True Grit”
Jesse Eisenberg in “The Social Network”
Colin Firth in “The King’s Speech”
James Franco in “127 Hours”

Colin Firth already picked it up because he had laundry to do on Sunday. Only way he wont win this is if Sean “Oscar thief” Penn steals it this year too.

Actor in a Supporting Role

christian-bale-the-fighterChristian Bale in “The Fighter”
John Hawkes in “Winter’s Bone”
Jeremy Renner in “The Town”
Mark Ruffalo in “The Kids Are All Right”
Geoffrey Rush in “The King’s Speech”

Well, I have only seen The King’s Speech and Geoffrey Rush was great in that. He’s a funny actor. Every time I see him I think he is great but whenever I hear he will be in a movie I’m doubtful. He is such an unlikely actor – he has to be seen to be believed.

With that said: I think Batman will win this one. (But my Deadwood loving heart wants John Hawkes to win.)

Actress in a Leading Role

natalie-portman-black-swanAnnette Bening in “The Kids Are All Right”
Nicole Kidman in “Rabbit Hole”
Jennifer Lawrence in “Winter’s Bone”
Natalie Portman in “Black Swan”
Michelle Williams in “Blue Valentine”

Natalie Portman unless Sean Penn steals her Oscar.

Actress in a Supporting Role

melissa-leo-the-fighterAmy Adams in “The Fighter”
Helena Bonham Carter in “The King’s Speech”
Melissa Leo in “The Fighter”
Hailee Steinfeld in “True Grit”
Jacki Weaver in “Animal Kingdom”

Once again: only seen King’s Speech but Helena can’t win this after ruining Tim Burton of all talent. She’s the goth cinema’s Yoko Ono.

Melissa Leo should win this just because she is Melissa Leo: the best living actress out there.

Animated Feature Film

toy-story-3“How to Train Your Dragon” Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois
“The Illusionist” Sylvain Chomet
“Toy Story 3” Lee Unkrich

Pixar only have Sean Penn to fear. I hope their kid movies never grow up to be Lindsay Lohan.

Art Direction

inception-totem“Alice in Wonderland”
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1”
“Inception”
“The King’s Speech”
“True Grit”

I truly hate the Harry Potter movies but their art direction is usually fantastic. The movies would be great if they could get rid of the pubertal wand waving teens in the foreground. But they won’t win because this is one category that the Academy picks the winner out of a hat and Harry Potter only knows how to pick rabbits out of hats. So I predict…

(Rolls a dice…)

…and it’s a 6. What the hell does that mean? Whatever – let’s pick Inception. The geek community need their comfort Oscars.

Cinematography

facebook-logo“Black Swan” Matthew Libatique
“Inception” Wally Pfister
“The King’s Speech” Danny Cohen
“The Social Network” Jeff Cronenweth
“True Grit” Roger Deakins

Haven’t seen True Grit but Roger Deakins is the cinematographers’ Randy Newman:  he have to be nominated 16 times to get one. Only 8 more nominations to go, Roger! On the other hand Roger doesn’t suck at what he does like Randy. Tricky.

Haven’t seen Black Swan either but I have a feeling they prefer to give this award to a movie with more color. Hm. All these nominees look pretty bleak? The most colorful one is King’s Speech but I didn’t like the cinematography at all in that. Inception then? Nah, I think they already got their comfort Oscar… Let’s go with The Social Network then. Just like The King’s Speech it’s a movie with a stammering lead but it actually looks good.

Costume Design

alice-in-wonderland-johnny-depp-the-mad-hatter“Alice in Wonderland” Colleen Atwood
“I Am Love” Antonella Cannarozzi
“The King’s Speech” Jenny Beavan
“The Tempest” Sandy Powell
“True Grit” Mary Zophres

I don’t give a shit. Give it to Alice in Wonderland for making talented people look ridiculous.

Directing

facebook-logo“Black Swan” Darren Aronofsky
“The Fighter” David O. Russell
“The King’s Speech” Tom Hooper
“The Social Network” David Fincher
“True Grit” Joel Coen and Ethan Coen

I want David Fincher for this one. He made an interesting movie about Facebook. How hard is it to make an interesting movie about lesbian Portman action/boxing white trash/Colin Firth saying “fuck” even though he is a KING/the Dude ?

Documentary (Feature)

banksy“Exit through the Gift Shop” Banksy and Jaimie D’Cruz
“Gasland” Josh Fox and Trish Adlesic
“Inside Job” Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
“Restrepo” Tim Hetherington and Sebastian Junger
“Waste Land” Lucy Walker and Angus Aynsley

Banksy. Because he is Banksy.

Documentary (Short Subject)

“Killing in the Name” Nominees to be determined
“Poster Girl” Nominees to be determined
“Strangers No More” Karen Goodman and Kirk Simon
“Sun Come Up” Jennifer Redfearn and Tim Metzger
“The Warriors of Qiugang” Ruby Yang and Thomas Lennon

I think this should win instead.

Film Editing

facebook-logo“Black Swan” Andrew Weisblum
“The Fighter” Pamela Martin
“The King’s Speech” Tariq Anwar
“127 Hours” Jon Harris
“The Social Network” Angus Wall and Kirk Baxter

I’m sure 127 Hours will win because the editing is so IN YOUR FACE! The movie practicly screams “see how great I’m edited!?!”. And as a Swede I can’t let self aware greatness get away so I’m rooting for the Social Network here.

Foreign Language Film

javier-bardem-biutiful“Biutiful” Mexico
“Dogtooth” Greece
“In a Better World” Denmark
“Incendies” Canada
“Outside the Law (Hors-la-loi)” Algeria

Only seen “In a Better World” (that is named “Hævnen” originally but I guess there are one or two other movies named “The Revenge” for the American audience). It’s great and deserves it. Denmark also deserves to get recognition for somebody else than von Trier or friends of von Trier.

But Biutiful will get it because everybody that get to vote in these can’t resist to swoon for Javier Bardem. His “I’m bored”-face is like a birthday cake that looks like Jessica Biel’s ass: everybody wants a piece.

Makeup

the-wolfman-benicio-del-toro“Barney’s Version” Adrien Morot
“The Way Back” Edouard F. Henriques, Gregory Funk and Yolanda Toussieng
“The Wolfman” Rick Baker and Dave Elsey

Shitty shitty movie with GREAT makeup ruined by shitty shitty CGI: The Wolfman. It’s amazing how they managed to shave Benicio Del Toro for the scenes where he doesn’t howl at the moon.

Music (Original Score)

facebook-logo“How to Train Your Dragon” John Powell
“Inception” Hans Zimmer
“The King’s Speech” Alexandre Desplat
“127 Hours” A.R. Rahman
“The Social Network” Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross

Daft Punk for Tr2n!

Wait… What the fuck..? Idiots… Well, let’s give it to that guy who Johnny Cash ripped a new asshole with his cover of “Hurt”.

Music (Original Song)

127-hours-james-franco“Coming Home” from “Country Strong” Music and Lyric by Tom Douglas, Troy Verges and Hillary Lindsey
“I See the Light” from “Tangled” Music by Alan Menken Lyric by Glenn Slater
“If I Rise” from “127 Hours” Music by A.R. Rahman Lyric by Dido and Rollo Armstrong
“We Belong Together” from “Toy Story 3″ Music and Lyric by Randy Newman.

Randy Newman have to wait 13 more nominations before he is allowed a new one so… “If I Rise”? I don’t remember it so I’m sure it sucked but this award doesn’t belong here anyway. Give it to the MTV movie Awards for fucks sake.

Best Picture

facebook-logo“Black Swan” Mike Medavoy, Brian Oliver and Scott Franklin
“The Fighter” David Hoberman, Todd Lieberman and Mark Wahlberg
“Inception” Emma Thomas and Christopher Nolan
“The Kids Are All Right” Gary Gilbert, Jeffrey Levy-Hinte and Celine Rattray
“The King’s Speech” Iain Canning, Emile Sherman and Gareth Unwin
facebook-logo“127 Hours” Christian Colson, Danny Boyle and John Smithson
“The Social Network” Scott Rudin, Dana Brunetti, Michael De Luca and Ceán Chaffin
“Toy Story 3” Darla K. Anderson
“True Grit” Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen
“Winter’s Bone” Anne Rosellini and Alix Madigan-Yorkin

The Social Network.

I got nothing to add other than “I haven’t seen Black Swan, The Fighter, The Kids Are All Right, True Grit & Winter’s Bone”. That is more movies than they used to nominate in this category.

Short Film (Animated)

day_and_night“Day & Night” Teddy Newton
“The Gruffalo” Jakob Schuh and Max Lang
“Let’s Pollute” Geefwee Boedoe
“The Lost Thing” Shaun Tan and Andrew Ruhemann
“Madagascar, carnet de voyage (Madagascar, a Journey Diary)” Bastien Dubois

Day & Night for being awesome. Haven’t seen the other but considering that a Madagascar short is nominated I doubt I have to bother.

Hmm? It’s not the “Chris Rock as a Zebra”-Madagascar? Then they should have renamed it to something with some pride left in it. Even the real island Madagascar is trying to change their name to something that sounds more… Pixar.

How many awards do they have?! Seriously: there is no point reading on from here – trust me. Unless you REALLY want to know who I think deserves an award for something I take for granted.

Short Film (Live Action)

sean-penn“The Confession” Tanel Toom
“The Crush” Michael Creagh
“God of Love” Luke Matheny
“Na Wewe” Ivan Goldschmidt
“Wish 143” Ian Barnes and Samantha Waite

I think Sean Penn should win.

Sound Editing

inception-totem“Inception” Richard King
“Toy Story 3” Tom Myers and Michael Silvers
“Tron: Legacy” Gwendolyn Yates Whittle and Addison Teague
“True Grit” Skip Lievsay and Craig Berkey
“Unstoppable” Mark P. Stoeckinger

Inception?

Sound Mixing

inception-totem“Inception” Lora Hirschberg, Gary A. Rizzo and Ed Novick
“The King’s Speech” Paul Hamblin, Martin Jensen and John Midgley
“Salt” Jeffrey J. Haboush, Greg P. Russell, Scott Millan and William Sarokin
“The Social Network” Ren Klyce, David Parker, Michael Semanick and Mark Weingarten
“True Grit” Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff and Peter F. Kurland

Inception?

Visual Effects

inception-totem“Alice in Wonderland”
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1”
“Hereafter”
“Inception”
“Iron Man 2”

None of the above! Why do they nominate crap? Inception, I guess! Fuck!

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

facebook-logo“127 Hours” Screenplay by Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy
“The Social Network” Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin
“Toy Story 3” Screenplay by Michael Arndt; Story by John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich
“True Grit” Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
“Winter’s Bone” Adapted for the screen by Debra Granik & Anne Rosellini

Oh, wait. I actually care for this award. Aaron Sorkin – even though he failed to put my hilarious status update from January 5th, 2010 in the movie. But I feel that the “Do I have your full attention?”-scene captured the essence of that status update.

Writing (Original Screenplay)

colin-firth-the-king-speach-2011-winner“Another Year” Written by Mike Leigh
“The Fighter” Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson;
Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson
“Inception” Written by Christopher Nolan
“The Kids Are All Right” Written by Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg
“The King’s Speech” Screenplay by David Seidler

This is a joke, right? I thought “original screenplays” were as extinct as… MySpace. Why would you bother writing something original? I don’t get it – that must be like impossible to market.

Well, since The King’s Speech is the closest thing to an adaptation (it’s not like David Seidler came up with the character of King George VI himself, right?) I have to put my vote on that.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Janne the Director permalink
    February 28, 2011 10:59

    Nailed it! 13 out of a billion awards correct – and only 9 wrong! And none of them any big awards! Who cares about “Best Movie” anyway, right?

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