We have Beards so we have a Death Wish

Yeah, I have been looking at all of the five Death Wish movies just because I can’t sleep when it’s hot at night.

I’m a Swede and I’m used to sleep in snow.

If it gets too cold I’ll just slice two penguins open and use them as slippers before I slice an elk open and sleep in its stomach while it is slowly dying.

But when it’s too hot? I have no idea what to kill to keep myself cool.

So yeah, I watched The Complete Death Wish Collection and what can I say? I now know that the worst job a female actor can get is a role in a Death Wish movie. At best you will get raped and killed. At worst you will get raped, survive and get raped and killed in a sequel (that last part actually never happened though but it could’ve!).

I also learned that Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin-fame can’t make a movie score. The music he created for Death Wish II and Death Wish 3 sounds like a pre-programmed synthesizer from the 80’s that is slowly dying in a big microwave oven.

I also learned how to kill and if you are half the man that Charles Bronson was (and I am half the man he is now) you don’t have to duck when a gang of thugs shoots at you. Gang members are worse shots than stormtroopers so when I face off with the local Hell’s Angels gang that lives nearby I will just stand there and shoot them down one by one. It will be awesome.

I also think it will make it cooler because all that leather, fat and beards those Hell’s Angels is packing must generate extra heat in the area…

ratatatatatat

More “We have Beards so we know Movies!” Reviews

Transformers: Dark of the Moon 3D
Super 8
X-Men: First Class
Melancholia
Insidious
Red Riding Hood
The Hangover Part II
Fast Five
Thor 3D
Tron: Legacy
The Social Network
The Expendables
The A-Team
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Related articles

• On Having a Beard (thebeststuffever.wordpress.com)
• 2011 – A Cursed Year for Beards? (fernrocks.wordpress.com)