Top Ten Animal Movies Starring Me and My Loaded Shotgun
Last night I dreamt I went on a killing spree and hunted down the Smurfs Columbine-style.
No, not the great Smurfs from my sober childhood but the ones from that freak of a trailer I saw yesterday…
I’d rather get raped than watch that movie. Hell, I’d rather get raped by Neil Patrick Harris than watch that movie.
Anyway, the dream was fun and got me inspired. This morning I made a list of movies I wish they’d make starring me and my shotgun:
10. Finding Nemo 2. Ever heard the phrase “It’s like shooting fish in a barrel”? Yeah, it would be like shooting fish in a barrel. With my shotgun.- 9. Lassie. I would push that dog down the well faster than Mickey Rooney eats a pie. And then shoot them both. With my shotgun.
- 8. Happy Feet. Yeah, I’ll make that penguin-freak dance. Dance you tapdancing freak, dance! Dance to the sound of my shotgun.
- 7. Horton hears a Hoo 2. More like Horton hears the cocking of a double barreled shotgun.
- 6. The Land before time XIV. What made the dinosaurs extinct? Me. And my shotgun.
- 5. Star Wars VII – The Hunt for Jar Jar Binks.
- 4. Bambi III. Who shot Bambi’s mom? Me. And now I’m back for more.
- 3. Chicken Run 2. Yeah, they better run. From my shotgun.
- 2. Who killed Roger Rabbit? Yup, me again! Wabbit Season.
- 1. March of the Penguins 2 – Slaughter of the Penguins.
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Top 10 Steve Martin Movies
Top 10 Favorite Animal Movies
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Top 10 Steps to Becoming a Hollywood Celebrity
My Top 5 Worst Movies of 2010
My Top 10 Favorite Movies of 2010
My Top 10 Favorite TV Shows Older Than Me
My Top 10 Favorite Amnesia Movies
My Top 10 Favorite Kids Movies to make grown Men Cry
My Top 10 Favorite Lonely Movies
My Top 5 Unforgettable Movies
Related articles
- “What The Smurf is this?!” (thepeoplesmovies.com)
- Blue Gnome-Like Creatures (nerdist.com)
- New ‘Smurfs’ trailer: Watch the Smurfing Smurfs (insidemovies.ew.com)
- The Integrity of the Smurfs Has Been Smurfed (macleans.ca)
The best part of shooting all of those penguins is that you can eat them afterwards. It’s like having a meal with both chicken AND fish.
Yeah, I try to eat healthy and therefor only eat animals that are happy.
Before I killed them.
With my shotgun.